I really need a place to vent and here it shall be. If boon, vanessa or even yl was awake at this time, i will tell them instead of typing it here. As the percentage of it being read is 80% But seriously, i need to talk.
It has been a few times, even she knows it,(i believe we even talk about it) i've never been flaring up since i dunno when... SERIOUS! never to anyone. (okok maybe jas.) but today i dunno why. I just feel that i've not been respected. First, all that you said have been unpleasent to me. Then again, i treat it as a joke. But the attitude never change. I kept quiet cux i dun wan trouble. But again, my tolerence is being challenged. I'm actually not as angry when i shouted at him. Till he further INSULTED me. Thats when i felt i've not been given the pride and respect i'm due to have. Even i'm not pleasing to him or so. Losing money is not what i'm angry about. In fact, when he said the remaining money can pay for my food! Itself is an insult to me and him! I'm definitely not angry over losing money! Is what he said and not knowing it. Please, i have money now. Even if i'm poor, i still have my means to earn it. Even i lose my money, i knew how to survive. i NEED NOT other people's CHARITY! especially when i don't even need it and definitely not from u! And insulting me is what i cannot take it. I'm rather disappointed with her. She just kept quiet. But its rather confusing too. I dun wan her to scold him becux of me, but at the same time i wished someone just speak up. but none did. It totally seems like my fault. Throwing tantrums and tad, but, no one knows. I just guess i'm not a worthy friend to anyone yet. I'm so convenient, when they need me, i'm there. And when i need someone, i realise... i'm still alone.... They will never know i'm not feeling good too. To pretend nothing happen and smiling to safeguard the awkward-ness And i lost all my pride... i really admire yl alot. Sometimes i just wished i'm her.. the 90% angel and 10% devil. But i feel i'm 90% devil and 10% angel. Maybe i'm even losing my 10%... I can be anything in you people's eyes, a clown, a bicycle mechanic, someone boostful, someone stupid or whatever u all think. but i still need my respect and my pride. I just realise its not good at all to be me. Never been good. =(
