Seriously, looking at the crowd at Ngee Ann this 3 days, reminds me of 2 yrs ago.

That afternoon, i walked alone to the school bus stop.

Then i realised, i'm in poly for nearly 2 years.

2yrs ago i was struggling to get in.

And now, i still can't believe myself.

Times when i'm alone, i really feel like crying.

Part of me, i felt sadness.

But seriously i don't even know why.

Could be i'm missing grandpa?

Maybe. A little.

But most prob i think it must be fear.

The more fun i have, the more i fear.

This is an invisible fear.

Not a very direct fear like 'i'm scared of dark' that sort. NO.

Its the fear of uncertainty.

I'm actually greatly afraid of future.

I'm scared of growing up.

Scared that i'm not earning good enough.

Scared that one day, my parents will leave me.

Scared that i'll have lesser friends.

Scared that i have to live in stress.

Scared that i have no husband.

Scared that when i returned home, i'm alone.

Scared that i can't be as happy as i am now.

Maybe its these fears, that makes me wanna cry.

That makes me feel empty.

That makes me wonder whats life.

I have too much things that i wanna do.

But i'm lacking focus.

I often admire people, with great personality.

And me, i'm like the water, shaping into any characteristic,

when meeting different people.

I'm not a fixed person.

Rather i find myself, easily forgotten.

I'm actually like the fern,

Living off at ppl's comments.

I also want to have those times when i can cry loudly at my friends arms.

Calling to tell them, i need to talk.

But i can't...cux even i don't even know what i'm thinking.

I really hate quiet.

Hate lonliness,

Hate stress,

they caused me to be emo.

Only having fun makes me stop thinking.

Only laughing stops me from crying.

Only if i dump these feelings,

then i will be truly happy.