I know. There's no photos again.
And dun expect there'll be.
Depressing stuffs just keep knocking on me.
Wish i can shout out "STOP THAT F****ING TIME"
I'm freaking angry with myself.
Seriously i'm avoiding problems.
If i can hide, i really wanna do that.
Cut off from the world might be better.
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
I kena dispute and its the worst time to get it.
I dunno what came over me.
i tried to cry out loud, maybe it might make me feel better.
But seems like crying is so numb to me now.
I hate that feeling when i can't resolved my problems to crying.
Though i'm feeling 'jerky', there are always ppl to lighten things up.
Thanks to some great frens.
Things just don't go MY way this time round.
All i can say is 'intuition' of a women is real scary.
=(
TURN MY WORLD AROUND!
*worst still, my long-awaited holidays are gone like bubbles.*
Seriously, looking at the crowd at Ngee Ann this 3 days, reminds me of 2 yrs ago.
That afternoon, i walked alone to the school bus stop.
Then i realised, i'm in poly for nearly 2 years.
2yrs ago i was struggling to get in.
And now, i still can't believe myself.
Times when i'm alone, i really feel like crying.
Part of me, i felt sadness.
But seriously i don't even know why.
Could be i'm missing grandpa?
Maybe. A little.
But most prob i think it must be fear.
The more fun i have, the more i fear.
This is an invisible fear.
Not a very direct fear like 'i'm scared of dark' that sort. NO.
Its the fear of uncertainty.
I'm actually greatly afraid of future.
I'm scared of growing up.
Scared that i'm not earning good enough.
Scared that one day, my parents will leave me.
Scared that i'll have lesser friends.
Scared that i have to live in stress.
Scared that i have no husband.
Scared that when i returned home, i'm alone.
Scared that i can't be as happy as i am now.
Maybe its these fears, that makes me wanna cry.
That makes me feel empty.
That makes me wonder whats life.
I have too much things that i wanna do.
But i'm lacking focus.
I often admire people, with great personality.
And me, i'm like the water, shaping into any characteristic,
when meeting different people.
I'm not a fixed person.
Rather i find myself, easily forgotten.
I'm actually like the fern,
Living off at ppl's comments.
I also want to have those times when i can cry loudly at my friends arms.
Calling to tell them, i need to talk.
But i can't...cux even i don't even know what i'm thinking.
I really hate quiet.
Hate lonliness,
Hate stress,
they caused me to be emo.
Only having fun makes me stop thinking.
Only laughing stops me from crying.
Only if i dump these feelings,
then i will be truly happy.
*If u fall and hurt yourself, would u stop running.
If you fail often, would you stop trying.
If u are betrayed by love, would u stop loving.
I need holidays.
As i post this,
my eyes are like half open!
cux i tired like shit!
okay! not shit....is plain tired!
I seriously need my sleep!
my eyebags are going crazy..
LOL!
yesh yesh yesh..
2009..
all i want is HUAT HUAT HUAT!
tads all.
And this yr celebration is...
-_-
yesh, u saw my expression!
KILL IT!
To top it off....
HOLIDAYS ENDING!!!
nek nek!
NABEI! just saw a bedbug while blogging!
this family better do something or else i'll go crazy!
MUM DAD! there's still bedbug!
believe me!!!
DO SOMETHING!
2009 is so full of rants!
i'll make sure i'll blog with pics about christmas and new year 2009!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sleep lar!
